What are the typical ways travelers go? How would you recognize one in the crowd? It’s quite challenging to be a REAL (aka dumb) tourist! While my travels I came up with top 5 toughest tourist tasks.
1) You have to make LOTS of photos. Because the moment when you are leaving, all your family and friends tell you to make as much as possible of those.
If you travel with friends, you have to ask them to take a picture of you here, on the background with that church, leaning your hand on Pisa tower, holding setting sun in your palm, passionately crawling from the sea…
All because you need a proof you’ve been on vacation.
The task is getting harder in case of solo travel – then you gotta distract local people or other travelers (no matter how good their photograph skills are)
2) You gotta be a crowd-blocker, if you are capable to make a human traffic jam – concern yourself a master of tourist-crowding. Block the entrance of the train passage, pretending to lose the right direction (having extra luggage cases is an advantage);
Another great idea – stop at the exit of the tunnel leading to a nice view and freeze there for a couple of minutes as if speechlessly amazed by that indescribable beauty. People behind you will really appreciate your act, congrats! Now you are a crowding guru!
3) Keep trying you local language skills! What can be better than petting your ego and proving yourself how God damn good you are in foreign languages.
Learn how to say hi and good bye, and how to order a local drink. The rest is left to your enthusiasm – read all the dish names from restaurant menu; pronounce town names, popular phrases, and catch intonation!
4) Real tourists are famous for a very special skill that is called putting on inappropriate clothes.
Going for a hiking? Don’t forget to put on fancy high heels or flip flops. Who cares this is not comfortable and dangerous, true tourists are not looking for easy ways! When the sun shines as crazy and the temperature goes above 30 degrees, take off all the unneeded t-shirts and shirts with sleeves. Sun cream is for losers, go hardcore!
5) Know people around! You have to be curious not only about people who permanently live in your travel destination, but also those who are the same tourists like you. Once you get into jet, train, bus or metro – look around, there may be someone worth talking to (numerous maps, souvenirs in their hands, sun burnt faces may easily indicate your buddies).
– Yeah, sure. Are you from the states?
– Yeah. What state?
– Florida. And you?
– North Carolina. It’s our father-in-law 60 and this is a great occasion to travel.
– Great, have fun here, alright?
– Sure. You too.”
Note: it’s not important to ask the reasons and tips for travel, just ask where they are from. That’s it. Real tourists do like this.
In addition to all above mentioned you will need to master how to combine these skills all in one. Once you got it, be proud! You are a TOURIST level 89!